Story:The One-Man Army

The One-Man Army is a parody story not meant to be taken seriously at all. It deliberately uses plot holes and ridiculous characters, then plays them realistically.

Chapter 1
The Galactic Senate was at the apex of its glory. The Eteno Imperial Triumvirate, the Dhragolon Federal Monarchy, and the Karnasaur Meritocratic Federation flourished.

Meanwhile, there was a human supersoldier named Invince. At birth, his home planet was invaded by Harbingers, and he was the sole survivor. When he grew up, he met a Titan who gave him some new equipment. He was told that he was the Chosen One - it was his destiny to protect the human race. This Titan gave him these special powers, though Invince was never told why. He accepted who he was as he was the only one who could save the universe. In reality, Invince was picked for no particular reason - just as random as winning the lottery. Invince himself was never told that, so this Titan came up with "Chosen One".

When Invince came of age to defend the galaxy, he always wore an armored pressure suit and could survive on any planet. With the ability to produce wormholes to other universes, he could create energy from nothingness. He had unlimited ammo in his guns as well as unlimited oxygen in his tanks. His armor could absorb bullets, deconstruct them into its atoms, then replenish damage into his suit. His bullets on the other hand were designed to kill anything in one shot. It is not known how it does it, but the Titan that gave him his powers made it that way. His personal starship was made of an impossibly hard material that could not be broken. How it was designed was unknown. The Titan made it as well, just for him. Though he was unstoppable, he cared deeply for others.

He believed that humans were the most important race in the universe. Earth was the center and everything revolved around it. Upon learning that Earth was under Eteno occupation, he decided to attack. Why did he decide to attack? When Invince was in school, his teachers knew that he was already very smart. Enthralled by his supreme intelligence, they passed him. Because of this, Invince never learned the true reason why humans left Earth. But he didn't care. He wanted the Eteno out so that humanity could retake it. To him, the Eteno were evil. He wanted to ambush them - he landed on Earth in the area once known as the USA. He used a cloaking device that made his ship invisible to the normal eye. Even though the Eteno could have easily detected his heat signatures, their radar equipment just so happened to be broken at the time. It was quite convenient, actually.

Seeing Invince walking about, an Eteno guard stopped him. "Sir, where's your passport?"

"This is my planet! Get off of it, you invading scum!" shouted Invince.

"Excuse me?!" the guard said. Then with one single punch to the face, Invince managed smash his skull. Another nearby guard shot at him, but Invince deflected it - the bullets bounced back and hit the guard, killing him in one shot. The alarm sounded and more Eteno guards charged him straight on. Invince was clearly outnumbered, but something came across the minds of these Eteno. Rather than flanking Invince or attempting to capture him, they decided to charge straight on. Our hero plowed through as easily as one could walk through a cornfield.

Eventually, Invince climbed to the top of the embassy and pointed his guns at an Eteno official.

"Give me back this planet!" Invince shouted.

The official crossed his arms and stared him down, absolutely frustrated. "How dare you just walk up to here! You come in and kill 100 of my bodyguards?!  They cost 20 Grums each!"

"You don't realize how important Earth is," Invince said. "A Titan chose me to protect humanity!"

"You humans have plenty other planets to choose from. You had to leave because you were being invaded by another hostile race."

"No...You took Earth away from us! I will destroy every last one of you Eteno scum."

"You and what army?" the official asked.

Invince shot the official's face, killing him. "This army."

And so, with a single gunshot and a hundred dead guards, Invince had taken back Earth. Humanity had its home back, but he wanted to destroy the rest of the Eteno.

"Wait, wait," said Uszaroth, a red imp from behind the wall of text written here. "So, he just walked up and shot an ambassador, and he took back Earth just like that?"

Yes, indeed he did. Now allow me to continue on to the next chapter to continue this wonderful, epic story of mine.

"But he only did it in North America? What about the other colonies?" the imp said. "The Eteno have more settlements on Earth. This is a major plot hole.  Are you going to at least explain it?"

That doesn't matter right now, my friend.

"How did-"

Shhh. The audience is not supposed to notice those kinds of things.

"But-"

Zip it.

"What about-"

Zip. You are interrupting the story.

"This story sucks anyway. Think I'll stick around to make fun of it though."

Anyway, now on to Chapter 2.

Chapter 2
The next step for our hero was to take down the Eteno colonies and destroy their homeworld. He had to do it all by himself as that was his destiny.

"You do realize that this is godmodding?" Uszaroth said. "And that Marana will be quite ticked off to find out someone has been making their creations look like an army of red shirts?"

Ahem. So, our hero had went by colony after colony destroying the Eteno. His ship was completely impervious to all damage. No matter what the Eteno threw at him, Invince could not be stopped. Quite simply, he was an invincible force of goodness.

Then, Invince finally came to the planet Malisk II. This was it. Against all odds, he had finally come this far. Every Eteno colony had been ravaged except for Malisk II itself. Invince then deployed a bomb that quite simply blew up the planet. It exploded in a gigantic sphere of fire. The sound of it echoed across the cosmos and could be heard from lightyears away.

Meanwhile, on Ucharpli, a Dhragolon said, "Guys, did you hear that loud boom? That sounded like an explosion.  It must have been Malisk II.  Someone has destroyed a planet!  It is time we hunt down Invince!" Our hero had made a new enemy - the Dhragolon Federal Monarchy.

After reading those last two paragraphs, it is likely an astronomy buff is crying himself to death.

-more to come