Thread:Krayfish/@comment-4730598-20130120030637/@comment-1743498-20130120142526

Seeing as I'm going to be devoting all of my writing on this wiki to feedback, all of my future reviews will be a lot more detailed than, "So far, it's good." Anyway, here is my critique of Netrixia's Plague:

The opening paragraphs are strong. Stylistically though, it "tells" rather than "shows". While there is no exact formula for doing this, one of the easiest jumpstarters is to use a thesaurus to replace some of the vocabulary. (i.e. Strolling instead of walking. Glancing instead of looking.)

The rest of the story seems to rely more on the dialogue of the characters rather than description, akin to a play or movie. I'm unsure if this was the style you were going for, but more details would be nice. These don't have to be paragraph-long chunks - moreso, the details can be improved by making use of more colorful adjectives.

Plotwise, the story is still engaging, interesting, and easy to follow. As an introduction, it is well-crafted. However, it seems to end rather abruptly. I'm not sure if it's finished or not or if it's just the end of that chapter, but I would incorporate a better transition to make it feel more concluded. A way to close it off making the reader continue to wonder about the plague.

Overall, good job. With some more fine tweaking, this can be an excellent story.