User blog:Krayfish/Review:Other characters

After some more requests, I'm reviewing the other characters on this wiki.

Vanguard
If I called Etah overpowered, then the Vanguard are beyond godmodding. They walk among everyone else as being superheroes. While maybe not so bad by themselves, when placed next to others, they make even the most capable look like red shirts. It seems like an attempt at imitating GSSOC, but the execution falls flat. The Hostage Situation, so far, seems like an attempt to show how superior they are to a lowly group of guards, which is a poor way to introduce a character.

Among the problems are their abilities. The battlefield is an intense place, but even when put on missions where they don't need these abilities, it's just dead weight and serves no purpose. One suggestion that would tremendously improve them would be if these abilities are turned into tools rather than actual abilities.

There's a lot of direct comparison to other characters in the relevant articles. There's far too many superlatives and lots of instances of the phrase "better than most organic life". What should be done instead is describe them how they are.

Also, there's an inaccuracy regarding Maj. Maj is just a redirection of energy, not its own substance. They are equally effective as any other energy weapon, but it's just a different method of working.

The respective races they are part of seriously underdeveloped. It seems like the characters with their superpowers were created first, then the race was based around them. A better way to design them would be the other way around. But regardless, they seem to have animalistic designs. If a creature has a lot of skills on the level of superhuman, then there really is no need for them to evolve an intelligent civilization. Humans, albeit a very weak creature, rose to the top only because they figured out how to use tools to do so.

The overall issue is how they acquired these abilities. Based on their backstories, it seems like nothing more than sheer luck of stumbling upon mysterious strangers or happening upon ancient technology. If the Vanguard was truly competent, they could fight their battles without any of that.

Chronomechs
These chronomechs seem like magic. There's no explanation as to how they actually work, and even if ESP is actually real, their abilities are overpowered. Omni-sight for example would entirely defeat the purpose of infiltration.

I suggest scrapping the chronomechs or saving the concept until a later time.

Razon
I can buy into the voice modulation and flexibility, but there are some things that are not useful to have on the battlefield at all.
 * If Razon takes on an exact replica of someone else, more than just the height, weight and age would have to be known. Every single placement of every molecule would have to be known.  Seeing as not even modern supercomputers can do that, let alone, a portable one, this ability would be at most dead weight.  The most Razon would get out of it would be transforming into someone suffering from the uncanny valley.  If he can transform into predefined shapes, that's fine.  But scanning on the spot would be outright impossible, or at best, impractical.
 * Extreme strength doesn't mean much. If he has magnetic abilities, why does he need to even lift anything?  Couldn't he just have some sort of stand-in for telekinesis?
 * The Jumping ability could be easily replaced with a jetpack. It's a waste of energy if he has to actually jump.
 * The durability need a lot of elaboration. What makes him so durable in the first place?  I would be more willing to buy into this immunity if the time is taken to explain what he is made of and if he has any forcefields or anything.

Xi'Leen
Why is Xi'Leen part of the Vanguard when she's a monarch? Shouldn't she be worried about the national affairs of her country rather than fighting on a special ops team? And why of all species does she look like a human? It would be better if she was humanoid.
 * Increased strength - This ability is vaguely described. What do you mean by loads that most organics struggle with?  The maximum weight a human has ever lifted is roughly almost 300 kg.  This is nothing in comparison to what some insects can do - there's one species that can withstand the weight of something 1,000 times their size.
 * Multi-linguistics - The Second Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary contains 171,476 words.  You're telling me she happens to magically know all those words from only hearing a handful of them?  Even if I buy into that, how does she happen to learn all the various dialects and syntax to even be able to know the language and use it coherently.  This ability should be scrapped altogether in favor of a translation device.

Sidian
Sidian exhibits traits similar to the old version of Etah and is highly characteristic of a Mary Sue:
 * The title "Immortal Guardian"
 * Inability to permanentely die. Granted, Dhragolon naturally have healing abilities, but at least they can be killed with a headshot.
 * Being much older than he should be. There is no real plot reason as to why he should even be older than 1,000 years.
 * Finding a device that gave him the superpowers. Apparently, he didn't have to really work to earn it.
 * Being known as "one of the most powerful warriors in the Legion".
 * Having a destiny and tasks set by a Titan.
 * Kaledeiscope eyes - this is just an aunncessary detail.

As stated in my other rants, these cliches can work if they are done well, but here, they are not. His backstory should be altogether redone. I don't know much about his powers so I can't say much about them, but altogether, this character is very trite and underdeveloped.

Ci'Rike
There's very little information on Ci'Rike. There isn't much info on his personality or the kind of person he is.

I do have a problem with molecular vibration. Even if it does actually work, sound waves can't be concentrated in a beam like light as far as I know, so he'll just end up falling through the floor if he uses this skill. However, it could work if he has to touch the object first. Dhragolon have a similar tactic where they can rip apart their opponents on the molecular level.

Like the other characters, these "abilities" should just be tools.

Siferious IV
Like Xi'Leen, Sifer shouldn't be part of a special ops group if he's a king. However, I do like the concept of bird people, yet his species isn't developed. His abilities would be better explained by what his species as a whole is capable of. For example, on Ahrganot Skizgo's page, there would be no need to list that he's capable of entering a Maj frenzy or that he has healing abilities. Those are traits that are to be assumed because he's a Dhragolon.

Telepathy is something difficult to get right. I'm guilty of making such mistakes myself, but when it comes to mind reading, it isn't easy. If you listen to an actual human mind, it sounds more like a jumbled mess of words and images - good interrogation skills would be just as efficient.

Lastly, wouldn't it make sense if this guy had a gun? In a society where guns can do just as much damage as a sword, it would be highly disadvantageous.

Since there's not much info on Isis, I'll mention her here as well. Her backstory sets her up dangerously close to becoming a Mary Sue. It seems like a rehash of Sidian's.

Pericles
Pericles reminds me of the old version of Tholker, except much more of a sociopath. While this type of character could potentially be fascinating, his lack of appearance in stories limits his development. However, I think Ci'Raan is a better character than Pericles based on available info.

Ci'Raan
Ci'Raan in my opinion is the strongest and most well-designed of the Vanguard, albeit he does suffer the same problems as the others. I envision him as someone animalistic given his nature, and quite frankly, with the super abilities, it actually kind of works. If the Vanguard are meant to be killing machines, Ci'Raan should be the most representative of it, the last resort if the Vanguard is ever put in a corner.

Even though I am harsh on characters with superpowers, Ci'Raan can potentially be worked into a great character with the traits he has now - one that you would hate so much for what he does to others, yet you like him for that.

I would suggest when rebalancing the Vanguard, Ci'Raan should be the character who has all the superpowers.

Aaron
While not to the degree as some of the Vanguard members, Aaron suffers from his backstory: a standard last of his kind. He doesn't seem to be remarkable when it comes to a character.

Also, is there any reason why he looks like a human ten-year-old? That shape is best if it's for non combat. But if he's supposed to be a child, then he would work better if he was built more recently or recycled from an older robot. The visual cues as he is now doesn't match up with his age.