Thread:WikiBuilder1147/@comment-4730598-20130112003112

You asked me to read over your story and critique it a little. So I've decided to go over it chapter by chapter and see what I can find.

Everything seems good up to chapter six.

As to chapter six, here are a few things I have found. First, what does a Freedom class cruiser look like? Second, during the section where you're talking about the falsified manifest, you have a 'was' instead of a 'had been'. Seeing as that bit is a past within a story set in the past tense, I thought it seemed a little confusing.

That's all for now. Make of it what you will. 